I never was one to have that dream, or passion, of the proverbial 2.5 kids and the home with a white picket fence. I really just never thought much about those sorts of things. I was actually even more than a little confused by those who couldn’t wait to grow up just so they could get married. Married? Kids? Really?
It wasn’t until sometime in my early 20s (after radically allowing Jesus into my heart) that some healing came and I therefore began to see some areas of brokenness. I had been damaged because the “picture” had been marred for me. You see, I was the child (who nowadays would no doubt have been classified as ADD) of parents who divorced when I was just 3 years old. Worse, though, were the intense and constant spankings and emotional abuse suffered at the hands of my mom’s then long-term boyfriend from ages 4-12. Combined, these things all took a huge toll on me emotionally. I was always “in trouble” and didn’t know why. I came to see myself as “bad.” Home wasn’t a happy place, and it didn’t occur to me to dream for anything different in terms of my future family life. So, the escape and adventure I thought travel and the Air Force could provide were what fueled me instead. (For some, the idea is instead that the “perfect” marriage will solve their void, which also doesn’t work.) Only our Creator can give us peace and shape our dreams to align with His since HE knows us each better than we know ourselves. Amazing thought, isn’t it?
Thankfully, the Lord desires to restore even the most damaged of us beyond what we can even hope or believe for ourselves, putting everything in the perfect balance. He can put His desires in our heart, so that we can achieve the great plans He has for each of us.
During my stint in the Air Force, my grand search for adventure was satisfied briefly, but it wasn’t long after that my world unraveled and the “hole” in my life manifested itself in an even bigger way. Thankfully, the Lord quickly captured my heart. It came at a time when I hit bottom, finally getting to the end of myself. Phew, I sure had made a quick, hot mess of things. But He gave me grace. Unmerited. Undeserved. Overwhelmingly appreciated, and the very thing to cause the fire in my heart to burn hot for Him from then until now 16 years later. Not long after giving my heart to Him, when I was in Bible school, the change in my dreams slowly took place. The catalyst was a wonderful family who took me under their wing. Seeing the “right” picture of this family in action changed my desires for my future almost instantly. I saw their love for one another, which gave my heart the wings to believe for something better for myself too; causing me to dare to finally believe in love, romance and motherhood.
Through their unspoken teaching, I began to see that I had bought into a lie that such promises were either limiting or just plain impossible for someone like me. You know, someone “broken, with a past.” I’m so very glad that the Lord took the time to show me how very wrong I was! Now I can say (with tears in my eyes) that I am so honored and blessed to be the wife of a wonderful husband and the mom to three exceptional children (and that’s not just my motherly bias speaking).
Not that there haven’t been some bumps in the road, but it’s us together, unified in a way only God could do. It’s amazing to me that the latch-key kid who couldn’t seem to keep from losing her key every other day is now actually entrusted with the health and spirit of three beautiful little souls. It is nothing short of a miracle to me, (and some others who knew me, I’m sure).
And that, my dear sisters, is my point—that we serve the God who is still in the business of miracles. They aren’t always as radical as the parting of the Red Sea (not that He couldn’t or wouldn’t, mind you). But, sometimes miracles have much less fanfare. Though, in my understanding these “quieter” miracles still require the crossing over a bridge into the heart of God—leaving behind our marred self images, self-doubt, shame, lack and hopelessness. He calls us to step out from all that we know and understand and move into a place of beauty, hope, passion and fulfillment. Receiving the miracle may require us to give up those proverbial pots of meat (think of the exodus) and survive on manna for a while. But that land of promise, our heart’s desire, is still in front of us all for the taking if we will but put our faith, hope and trust in Him. If we can do that, then all we must do is watch what He does with what is the beautiful masterpiece that is each of our lives.
I desire to see us all walk more fully into our passion and purpose in 2012, ladies. He is the one who is able to take even the “least of us to confound the wise.” I’ve been an example of it many times over, and know He wants to do the same for each one of us!
So let’s not let anything – especially ourselves and old ways of thinking—stop us. We can renew our minds in Him, believe for restored “pictures” of our futures that are full of hope, love, passion and romance! Let’s believe and be free to walk this journey with Him!
Kelly Head, Executive Editor
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